House of Gucci

So I go into this expecting that surely a story about the Gucci family will be captivating beyond the fashion and brand recognition of it all. Especially with this cast – I mean the family must have a fabulous creative history, right? And then the first party scene opens with beautiful costumes and a dazzling seventies vibe, I’m totally into it. But – the drinks aren’t moving. They aren’t even fake cocktails with tinted water. They are solid props. Oh yes, I’m judging.

But let’s move on, it happens – sometimes it has to. So Lady Gaga – wow, she stands out. She’s simply mesmerizing to watch. She is Patrizia Gucci, breathing life into this magnetic character. She’s capturing and maintaining her sight line with power. She locks eyes. It’s like director Ridley Scott caught on to it and gives her an extra second to take control.

It’s a quirky and fun meet-cute when she asks Maurizio for a drink at the party. He’s behind the bar (likely to remove himself from the crowd), so it’s no fault of hers when he asserts he’s not the bartender. There is a beat when he introduces himself and she appears to recognize his name. But nothing comes of that other than a lurking suspicion of her gold digging.

Her pursuit of him is adorable until – (heavy sigh), she writes her number in lipstick on his scooter, and then the entire number is re-written. I mean leave it out in post if you screw it up that bad during filming. These obnoxious errors are beginning to dim the glow of Gaga, and they do nothing for the awkward Adam Driver, who is out of his element as Maurizio Gucci.

The fashion is great. The needle drops are – weird, considering the setting. George Michael’s “Faith” when they get married. “Here Comes the Rain Again” when they move to New York. But it just isn’t appropriate. Even if there is poetic intent here, I’m missing the romance of it. I’m looking for continuity at this point anyway.

The rest of the family members slide in under mountains of makeup and fantastic costumes. I haven’t mentioned Al Pacino and Jared Leto. So there, I mentioned them.

When I go to the mall – there’s a security guard outside of two stores: Louis Vitton and Gucci. Neither of which I can afford. Everything feels untouchable, out of reach. I expected such a targeted, iconic brand to have a gripping back story – like maybe something with gangsters or powerful political leaders. But if this is the story, I’m left with an empty feeling – and I’m not buying it.

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